Thursday, September 16, 2010

Culture Matters! - Kenya Edition

Things I've learned about how to live in Kenya...

One: Drive aggressively! Whatever you do NEVER cede the right of way! Take it no matter what! Dominate the road... and then smirk at the person you cut off. Either that... or get no where on time!

Two: Never... and I mean NEVER cry in front of a Kenyan. Kenyan's only cry when they are scared. If you cry during a movie... what does that tell them? You are afraid of the movie. Duh!

Three: NEVER compare a Kenyan to an animal. It is VERY offensive. (aka: stop being such a monkey, you're crazy as a loon, you eat like a pig, stop running around like a chicken with your head cut off... ) So check those crazy expressions at the door ... unless you intend to offend.

Four: If you want to pick a fight... and I mean a slam-bang-black-and-blue kind of fight, click your tongue at a Kenyan. It's the equivalent of giving him the bird!

Five: Being alone is socially uncomfortable to Kenyans. You can always find someone to do something with... Come here and you'll never have to be alone again. (I'm sure there are exceptions... just not many of them.)

Six: If you ask a Kenyan for directions, they may tell you the right way. They may tell you the wrong way... but they WILL tell you something. Why? Is it malicious? Heavens No! This is a shame-based society and saying, "I don't know" would shame them. So don't ask for directions... better to get lost and stay lost then shame a Kenyan.

... that's all I've got for now. I'm sure there will be much more to come.